Inter Perspectives

Good evening my friends. I hope you are all doing well. I miss you.

I have been here for four whole days now. Nearly five nights. And I am going a bit crazy. Because I have moved to a brand new city, full of no one I know, and school has not started yet, I have met no one. I have my two roomies, who are pretty awesome, but they both work full time jobs, and I therefore have from nine-ish in the morning to about six in the evening left to my own devices. One day, I can do it. Two, maybe, but I don't want to. Four? Oh boy.

So I thought of a topic for a blog entry. I'm very excited about it. I was talking to my friend a couple days ago about first impressions, and how much I love them. I love meeting people for the first time, remember everything I think about them, and then wait a month and see how much has changed. So I thought I would do a first impression on myself. Sort've. I'm going to describe myself and tell you a bit about me, and see how much changes after the first little while in this school.

First of all, let me explain why it's impossible for me to stay sane while being left alone. I am an extreme extrovert. I'm learning that more and more this week, since I haven't been this alone since junior high. Fact. I need people. Not just to entertain me, but to actually give me energy and motivation. Where introverts get their energy from being alone and recharging their batteries, I get my energy from other people. Conversing, engaging, laughing, bonding, it's all so important to me. It's what gives me life. I think if you saw me alone, and then saw me again, engaging with a group of people, you will notice a huge change about me. I think I give off a sort of vibe, or aura. I just spring to life, and I bring something out in other people that not a lot of people can. Or so I've been told. Including extreme introverts. I just bring something to the table, and I feel that's my gift. So when I can't use that gift, when I can't engage with other people, I'm stunted. I will watch tv all day, because I simply cannot fathom doing something that doesn't involve another people.

Gee, maybe I'll only get to three or four things about me, considering how long that last paragraph is.

Another thing about me that I think all my friends would attest to in a heartbeat, is that I'm a very upfront person. I will say what's on my mind, 9 times out of 10 without thinking about it first. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I won't bullshit you or beat around the bush. I say it how it is, and my friends love it, and my not-friends HATE it. I think that's why they're not my friends. Because that bold personality trait clashes in their pretty little superficial fake world.

Harsh. I'm sorry. I'm really only responding to one person in that thought. I went to school with her last year and worked with her over the summer, and for some unknown reason that I will NEVER figure out, I don't exist to her. Despite talking to her more than twice about her behaviour towards me, she simply will not... I don't know. Acknowledge me? Everything I say she has to dispute. Everytime I try to get her attention, I have to basically shout her name a third time before she 'hears' me. She will never look at me, never react to anything I say, even if it's to her, or even if it's hysterically funny. And I guess this is another thing about me- I'm not a people pleaser by ANY stretch of the imagination, and I have no problem with people not liking me, but if they won't talk about it and don't like me for what seams like no reason whatsover, it drives me crazy. I often think like a male, and this is one of those cases. If something is the matter, you better fricken tell me what the matter is. I'm not a freakin mindreader. I don't pick up on shit like that. You have to lay it out straight, and then I can deal with it like a mature adult. Not threaten to punch you in the face several times and proceed to glare at you for the next week.

That's another classmate.

BUT my rant is over. My third thing to say is that I'm a very loving person (HA! I proved it with that last paragraph, eh?). But seriously. I love. With all my heart and soul. I care about you deeply, and I love you, and I want to encourage you and support you with anything and everything you're going through. Again, I won't go out of my way to appease you if something is difficult, like most people pleasers do, but I will be there for you to complain to. For you to turn to if you need a friend. Unless you get on my bad side, which is very very hard to do. I'm sure my friends can also attest to that. I'm quick to forgive, but I'm not naive. If it's behaviour that hasn't or won't change, then yes I will still forgive you, but I will not open up to you anymore. I will not entrust myself to you. I will listen to you and keep your secrets, but I won't tell you mine. Simple as that. If I don't give you any ammunition, you can't shoot me in the back. But if you are willing to change or fix our relationship, then hell- I'll hand out forgiveness til the cows come home. Even if you keep screwing up. As long as there's intent to get better, and SOME proof that it's working.

I will also admit it when I'm wrong. I am not too proud to admit such things, nor am I falsely modest to assume everything is my fault. I will not take shit for something that isn't my fault, but I will step up if I have actually done something incorrect. I will not get offended if someone says I did something wrong, because I think that is an absolute retarded thing to get offended over. I am open to criticism, but I put up with no bullshit. You yell at me for something so completely unreasonable? Turns out, I yell back.

I learned so many things between this time last year and now. My roommates from school last year taught me things not to do, and taught me how not to behave. Maybe that's harsh, but I'm not criticizing them (anymore)- I'm learning a lesson and growing from it. I suspect I'm coming off quite pretentious right now, but as I just stated: I say it how it is. I'm not tooting my own horn, because I don't do that. There's no point in doing that- people will just notice your flaws faster. No, I'm just telling you how I view myself. I would hope that, if you knew me, you would agree. Or at least not totally deny.

I expect great things from this year. In myself, in others, in life. I expect to be busy, and I expect to have a lot of responsibility. But I also hope to have a lot of fun. Even if all I'm doing is school and work. I'll get my social life in there somehow :P

Until next time... Abyssinia!